Attitude. Generosity. Tenacity. Role Model
Starboy – and parents walking this journey with us,
Twelve months.
It has been twelve months since we returned from Africa. Twelve months since you stood at the edge of two worlds – one of struggle, scarcity, survival; the other of triumph, pride, and opportunity. Twelve months since you looked me in the eye and said, “Dad, I want to go back to England. I’ll try harder. At school. At football. I get it now.”
I believed you then. I still believe you now. But belief without evidence is just hope dressed up as faith.
And the evidence, twelve months on, tells a story I cannot ignore.
The Africa Trip: A Reset, Not a Cure
I wrote about our trip in Reflections on the Trip to Africa – A Reset for KingKong. I shared how we walked the dusty roads I once trekked to school. How you came face to face with children your age and younger, their childhoods swallowed by survival. How a young girl tapped on our car window, and when you gave her money, seven more children swarmed our car – each one pleading, hopeful, desperate.
I watched something shift in your eyes that day. The penny dropped. The why landed. You saw the contrast with your own life – the structured football sessions, the school options, the privileges we so often package as normal.
That trip was never meant to be punishment. It was meant to be perspective. But perspective, on its own, does not build a life. It plants a seed. The daily watering still happens at home.
And I am not sure you have been watering.
One Year Later: The Report Card
Twelve months on, and the picture is not what either of us hoped.
- Minimal progress – not the transformation you promised, not the leap I prayed for.
- Multiple low-levels – the same patterns, the same slips, the same reasons.
- A handful of detentions at school – not catastrophic, but not the clean slate you asked for.
- Grades below expected – not where you should be, not where you can be.
- Feedback from football coaches that your conduct, behaviour, and ability to receive feedback positively is lacking. As a result, you cannot progress to the elite team.
And so, here we are. You will only play grassroots football this season.
Not because you lack talent. Not because you lack dreams. But because talent without attitude is just potential wasted.
The Consequence: Grassroots Football
This is not punishment. It is consequence.
The training times for the Advanced team clash with the time you return from school – and unfortunately, nothing can be done about that. But the deeper truth is this: even if the times had worked, the feedback from your coaches made it clear that you are not yet ready for the next level.
Not because you cannot play. But because you cannot receive. Cannot take simple instruction without resistance. Cannot show the discipline and coachability that elite environments demand.
You have told me multiple times to listen to you. You say you will demonstrate that the situation will be better and multiple times you have let me down. Last night was another example. Well, I now fully expect you to accept feedback from me, your mum your coaches and work to improve. It is about showing, and honestly the showing has not been consistent enough.
Transformational Vocabulary: Attitude, Generosity, Tenacity, Role model
This week’s words matter more than most.
Attitude
Attitude is the lens through which the world sees you – and through which you see the world. A positive, coachable, humble attitude opens doors that talent alone cannot. A defensive, resistant, entitled attitude closes them. Your coaches have given you feedback on this. It is not about your ability. It is about how you receive, respond, and reflect.
Attitude is the one thing you can control, every single moment. Not your circumstances. Not other people. Not the training times or the feedback or the grades. Just your attitude. And your attitude right now is what will determine whether this year looks different from the previous year.
Generosity
Generosity is not just about money. It is about giving grace. Giving patience. Giving the benefit of the doubt. Giving your best effort even when no one is watching. You will see that I am being generose to you right now. In Africa, you showed generosity to that young girl. I need to see that same generosity in how you treat teammates, coaches, and family – especially when you are frustrated.
Tenacity
Tenacity is the refusal to give up when things get hard. Not stubbornness – that is refusal to listen. Tenacity is the willingness to keep going while learning, while adjusting, while growing. Son, your tenacity needs to be demonstrated at tbis point , through your attitude and respinse to feedback not just in words.
Another Chance – But Not Without Consequence
I am not sending you back to Africa.
I told you twelve months ago that if things did not improve, that option would remain on the table. But I am choosing, this time, to give you another chance here. To let you stay. To let you try again.
But know this: this is not a free pass.
The consequence of your behaviour this past year is that you will only play grassroots football. The elite pathway is not closed forever – but it is closed for now. You will need to earn your way back. Through consistency. Through humility. Through showing me, your mum, your teachers and your coaches that you can receive feedback and act on it.
You also have a responsibility beyond yourself.
A Role Model for Your Sister
Your sister is watching you.
She is 10 preparing for her 11+ exams, learning to manage distractions, learning to believe in herself. She looks up to you – whether you realise it or not. She sees how you handle frustration. How you respond to feedback. How you show up (or don’t) for the small things.
You are setting the standard for her.
If you drift, she learns that drifting is acceptable. If you push through, she learns that effort matters. If you receive correction with grace, she learns that growth is possible. If you resist, she learns that resistance is normal.
You have a choice. Every single day. Not just for yourself – but for the young woman who is watching and learning from her big brother.
For Parents: When the Reset Doesn’t Stick
If you are reading this and your child made promises after a big experience – a trip, a conversation, a consequence – only to slip back into old patterns, know that you are not alone.
How to handle a teenager who isn’t following through is one of the hardest questions we face as parents. Here is what I am learning:
- Big moments create openings, not transformations. A trip can shift perspective. But daily habits build character.
- Consequences must match the pattern, not just the moment. One detention is a mistake. Repeated detentions are a pattern. The response must escalate – not in anger, but in clarity.
- Grace and accountability must coexist. I am giving another chance. But I am also holding the line. Grace without accountability is just enabling.
- The “why” must be personal. Your child has to want it for themselves. Not for you. Not for the praise. For them.
If you are searching for how to help a teenager build consistency, or how to handle a child who is underperforming, or how to balance encouragement with consequences, take heart. This is hard. But it is not hopeless.
Keep showing up. Keep holding the line. Keep believing – but keep expecting.
Closing
Son, I love you. I believe in you. I have seen what you are capable of – the 90% in French, the tournament win, the moments of genuine kindness and growth.
But I have also seen the drift. The inconsistency. The resistance.
Twelve months ago, you asked for another chance. I gave it.
Today, I am giving another one – not because you have earned it, but because I believe in who you can become.
But this is it.
Not a threat. A boundary. The elite pathway is closed for now. Grassroots football is where you will play. Your behaviour, your grades, your attitude – these will determine what comes next.
Not for me. For you.
Mind the gap, son. Close it – one day, one choice, one attitude at a time.
With love, and with hope that this year will be different,
Dad
