Stoicism & The Mamba Mentality
Starboy,
Last week, I wrote to you about Epicurus—how he saw life’s goal as peace and pleasure, free from pain. I told you that while there’s wisdom in avoiding needless distractions, the Judeo-Christian worldview calls us to embrace struggle, discipline, and purpose.
This week, I want to introduce you to another school of thought: Stoicism. It’s much older than Epicurus’ philosophy, but in some ways, it speaks more directly to the battles you face every single day.
The Stoics—men like Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca—believed that the key to life is learning to control what is in your power and to accept what is not. I have in many ways lived by this principle, taking responsibility for my actions and hoping to influence your decisions and choices this way. However, you are not getting any younger and as I watched you disregard my advice regarding the choices you face between after school rugby and late evening academy football practice on Tuesday night, I felt a sense of disappointment and I do not need to tell you how much you let me down and indeed yourself in that moment especially after the bed time prayers and I guess from your perspective we are expected to continue the following morning as if the night before never happened. There was no consideration of the sacrifice your mum and I make everyday to enable you enjoy the privileges you currently have and in this I say Mind the gap!
That said, the Stoics are right! There is only so much I can control. They taught that you cannot control other people, the weather, luck, or the outcome of every event—but you can control your attitude, your effort, and your preparation.
Doesn’t that sound familiar? That is the Mamba Mentality Kobe Bryant lived by. Kobe didn’t waste energy worrying about what he couldn’t control—referees, teammates, even injuries. His obsession was with the things he could control: the extra hours in the gym, the 10,000 practice shots, the relentless focus when others were distracted.
That’s where the Stoics and Kobe meet:
- Control what you can.
- Release what you can’t.
- Prepare obsessively for the moments that matter.
And this is essentially what I am trying to teach you. Do I have control over how you receive it? I wish I do but I don’t and as you get older, I have to slowly accept this reality! The guitar lessons, the Kumon sheet, the Spanish lessons, the football practice, the 5am alarm, keeping on top on assignments and private study- Will be for you to manage, as you take charge of your own destiny. Now, let’s be clear. Stoicism stops at self-mastery. It doesn’t point upward to God. It says, “Be strong enough in yourself to endure.” That can take you far, but only so far. The Judeo-Christian worldview takes it further: not only do we control what we can, but we also trust God with what we cannot. Our strength isn’t just within us—it comes from Him.
But the Stoics can still teach us something powerful: discipline isn’t about waiting until you feel motivated. It’s about showing up, again and again, regardless of feelings. That’s how Kobe became Kobe. That’s how Dembélé and Yamal became champions.
And that’s how you, son, can cross the gap. We hear this week about your mate David being considered for trials at the academy. I told you this will happen and I have no doubt he would go on to do well, why? Because I have watched him excel where you have struggled- Listening to simple instructions, from mentors around you! – It’s different timing for everyone but you need to stay motivated, be consistent in the things you do well and aspire to be better in areas where you are struggling. You have a lot of help and wisdom around you. We all want you to do well but you must Mind the gap.
This past week, I saw some bright spots: improved organisation, better follow-through on assignments, more initiative with chores. But I also saw the old pattern—waiting until the last minute, dragging your feet, leaning on reminders. That’s exactly the gap Stoicism addresses. You cannot control the deadline your teacher sets, but you can control when you start. You cannot control the coach’s expectations, but you can control whether you show up early or late.
So here’s your challenge this week:
- Control what you can. Don’t wait for me, your mum, or your teachers to push you. Own it.
- Ignore what you can’t. Don’t waste energy blaming the schedule, the referee, or the rules. Focus on your effort.
- Adopt the Mamba standard. Prepare as if greatness depends on it—because it does.
Remember, son, the Ballon d’Or, the Kopa Trophy, the top grades—they’re not given to the boy who waits for life to go his way. They’re given to the one who shows up, trains harder, prepares deeper, and takes ownership of every little detail.
This week, mind the gap. Take the Stoic lesson. Take Kobe’s lesson. But most importantly—remember that beyond self-control, your ultimate strength comes from God, who calls you not just to endure life, but to live it with purpose.
With love,
Dad
