Self-Awareness. Professionalism. Trust. Tolerance.
Starboy – and parents walking this journey with us,
Another four weeks have gone by like a flash. A lot has happened since last time. Some of it good. Some of it not so good
Let me start with what matters most: I still believe you are a good kid.
At your core, underneath the detentions, the inconsistency, the on‑off fallouts with your mum, the slipping grades – there is a young man of value, of potential, of heart. I have not lost sight of that. I will not lose sight of that.
But being a good kid is not the same as choosing to be better. And lately, I have been asking myself a hard question: Do you actually desire to become better, or are you just comfortable enough to stay where you are?
The Past Four Weeks: A Step Forward, Then Two Back (it will appear)
Since my last letter, there have been a couple more detentions at school. Inconsistency in standards – both at home and at school – despite the best efforts of your mother and me. A recent call from the school to review your academic progress painted a clear picture: you are performing below your potential.
The teachers all say the same thing. You have high potential. When you put your mind to the task, you do really well. You contribute to lessons. You can be a force for good.
But your grades are slipping. Your behaviour is inconsistent. And the gap between what you could achieve and what you are achieving is growing.
Reason? I do not know. And that is what frustrates me most.
Eleven Months Ago: The Africa Conversation
It was nearly 12 months ago that we went to Africa. We sat together and talked about self‑sabotage – how a person can undermine their own success without meaning to. Your return to the UK was predicated on you taking the lead on your behaviour and, in your own words, topping your class.
Your mother specifically asked for your return in the hope that all would be well.
Eleven months on, and it has been one step forward, two steps back. Progress, yes – but not the kind that lasts. Not the kind that builds a future.
Football: The Small Disciplines
You may have noticed that last night, when we reviewed the situation, not much was mentioned about your football. That was deliberate.
I remain convinced that a career in football – the one you say you want – can only be birthed from doing the small disciplines. The early mornings. The consistent training. The nutrition. The sleep. The focus.
Football does not reward potential. It rewards preparation. And preparation starts now, in the small things. Your exams are round the corner, your understanding 14 football trial too. Not forgetting the sports day when you hope to compete at the 4x100m, 800m, 400m and Discuss throw. You need no reminder of the last sports day and I m hoping you can prepare right and show this time you can be a force for good especially with track and field.
Congratulations on becoming top scorer again for your team, This tells me you can do really well if you take yourself and your professional attitude more seriously. I m sure you were disappointed to come third at the recent basketball tournament, and must have been let down by finishing in the semis or quarter final in some of your football tournaments, due to as it ll appear your managers not trusting you enough. Clearly, you need to earn your managers trust especially going into next season and that starts from doing the simple things with the right mind set.
Why High Expectations?
You asked me last night: “Why, when I started the year well, was I not given compliments? And why is it now a concern that things have gone south?”
Here is my answer: To whom much is given, much is expected.
You have been given a lot. A stable home. Intentional parents. A grammar school education. Trips abroad. A phone. A Nintendo – even when you took it without permission. You have been given grace, again and again.
Forgive me for having high expectations. They are not because I want to crush you. They are because I know your potential. I have seen what you are capable of when you truly apply yourself. And I refuse to watch you settle for less.
Sports Day: How Much Are You Practising?
Sports day is coming. A chance to compete, to represent, to show what you are made of. But here is my question, and I want you to answer it honestly: How much practising are you currently doing?
Not last month. Not when you feel like it. Right now. Today. This week.
Because the gap between dreaming and doing is filled with practice. And I have not seen enough of it.
The 14‑Point Plan: Earning Back Trust
Your mother and I have drafted a 14‑point plan. I do not enjoy this. It is not how I wanted things to be. But sadly, it has come to this.
We shall be going transactional for a while until things improve.
No more paid school trips. No more luxuries. You will need to earn them by keeping up with the 14 points below.
The reason for the 14‑point plan is simple: to improve the situation. To build structure where there has been drift. To create accountability where there has been inconsistency. And ultimately, to begin to trust again.
The 14‑Point Plan
#Standard
- Don’t enter Mum/Dad’s room without permission
- Move your clothes after bath to laundry
- Wash your dishes after use or when it is your turn
- Do not take Mum and Dad’s phone without permission
- Hang your uniform after school – keep shoes, socks, underwear, T‑shirt in designated place
- Turn lights off when not in use
- Go to bed no later than 9.30pm
- Tidy up after yourself
- Brush teeth morning and evening
- No TV without permission
- No video games Monday to Saturday
- Hand over all electronics before bed
- Review assignments on Saturdays
- Take the bin out on Wednesday
These are not punishments. These are standards. These are the small disciplines that build the foundation for everything else – football, grades, relationships, self‑respect. Don’t forget your sister is watching you.
The hope is that by tracking this plan, by holding to these standards, we can begin to trust again. Trust that you will do what you say. Trust that you are serious about your future. Trust that the good kid I know you are will choose to become better.
For Parents: When You Have to Go Transactional
If you are reading this and you have reached a similar point with your child – where encouragement alone has not been enough, where boundaries have been tested and broken, where you find yourself drafting a 14‑point plan – know that you are not alone.
How to set boundaries with a teenager is one of the hardest skills in parenting. There is no perfect formula. What I am learning is this:
- Boundaries without relationship breed rebellion. But relationship without boundaries breeds entitlement.
- Going transactional is not giving up. It is stepping back to a simpler, clearer structure so that trust can be rebuilt.
- Expectations must match potential. Lowering the bar helps no one.
- Consistency from parents is just as important as consistency from children.
If you are searching for how to handle a teenager who is underperforming at school, or how to motivate an inconsistent child, or how to rebuild trust after repeated setbacks, take heart. This season is hard. But it is not forever.
And like me, you may find yourself holding onto one truth: He is a good kid. I just need him to choose to become better.
Closing
Son, I know you are a good kid. I have seen your kindness. Your humour. Your ability to light up a room. Your teachers see it too – they say you can be a force for good.
But being a force for good means choosing it. Every day. Even when it is hard. Even when no one is watching.
The 14 points are not about control. They are about creating a container where trust can grow again. Where you can prove – to us, but more importantly, to yourself – that you are serious.
Sports day is coming. Summer tournament has already begun, Under 14 trials is next week. Chemistry and the periodic table are waiting. Your future is waiting.
The next move is yours.
Mind the gap, son. Close it – one small discipline at a time.
With love, and with hope that you will choose to become who I know you are,
Dad
