In my last post, “The Girl Who Calls Me Daddy — Preparing My Daughter for Her Future”, I wrote about the quiet battles of raising my daughter—the tantrums that look more like tears than shouting, the Kumon worksheets that feel like marathons, and the way she walks through life so differently from her brother. That post was about rhythm, patience, and the sacred work of preparing her for life, not just school.
Today’s post is about a sharper focus: the 11+ exam.
We particularly want her to go to Pate’s Grammar School. It’s ambitious, I know—but ambition without effort is just wishful thinking. And effort is exactly what I’m trying to teach her.
The Challenge of Second Attention
Here’s the truth: she isn’t getting the same kind of spotlight her elder brother –Kingkong had when preparing for his exam. Back then, it was our first time as parents stepping into the grammar school process. Every practice paper felt monumental. Every score mattered. Our world revolved around making sure he was ready.
Now, with the addition of a younger brother, life is busier. Attention is split. Football trainings, school runs, work deadlines, and yes numerous nappy change and baby feed—it means she doesn’t always get the same focused coaching. And sometimes I worry: is she getting less of the mum or me than she deserves? Is my attention still very much on the boys?
But here’s what I’ve realised: what she may lack in hours of tutoring, she can more than make up for with consistent effort and mindset.
Effort beats Everything Else
The 11+ exam is tough. It demands stamina—mental and emotional. There are days when she drags her feet, allows the care of little brother as an excuse, or even cries quietly when it feels like too much. And there are other days when she surprises us all—racing through practice questions, scoring high on vocabulary drills, and remembering complex sequences with ease.
The secret isn’t about talent. I have been here before with Kingkong! The secret is effort.
- Effort is waking up in the morning and taking the initiative. No snooze!
- Effort is sitting with a comprehension passage, even when her mind would rather be playing.
- Effort is showing up again tomorrow, even if yesterday was hard.
And this is exactly the message I want her to internalise: you may not always get equal attention, but you can always choose equal effort.
The Pate’s Grammar Dream
Why Pate’s? Not just because it’s an excellent school, but because it represents opportunity, discipline, and a community where she’ll be stretched beyond her comfort zone.
And I’ve told her—getting into Pate’s isn’t about proving she’s “smart enough.” It’s about proving to herself that consistent effort builds doors where none seemed to exist.
She doesn’t need to be perfect. She doesn’t need to be her brother. She needs to be persistent.
Notes to My Daughter
Sweetheart, when you’re tired of Kumon, tired of worksheets, tired of me reminding you yet again, remember this:
- You are capable. Not because it’s easy, but because you’ve faced hard things before.
- You are building strength. Every practice paper, every morning run, every quiet prayer walk is shaping you.
- You are not alone. Even when it feels like Daddy’s attention is divided, I see you. I believe in you. I am cheering for you.
The result will matter—but not as much as who you become through the process. Pate’s Grammar is the goal, but resilience is the gift.
For Other Parents Walking This Journey
If you’re preparing a child for the 11+, here’s what I’ve learned the hard way:
- It’s a family journey, not just a child’s. The whole house feels the pressure.
- Balance matters. Push them, yes—but protect joy and curiosity too.
- Consistency beats intensity. One worksheet a day, every day, is better than a frantic cram on Saturday.
Closing Thought
My son’s story has taught me that talent without discipline falters. My own story taught me that imposter syndrome could be overcome with effort. And now, my daughter’s story is teaching me something new: attention may be divided, but effort can always be multiplied.
So, to my girl—the one who calls me Daddy—this is my promise: I’ll keep walking with you, cheering you on, and reminding you that the effort you put in today is building the future you’ll step into tomorrow.
And maybe, just maybe, that future includes Pate’s Grammar School. But even if it doesn’t, the resilience you’re building now will carry you much further.
Love, Dad
